the givens of life and how we defend against them

According to Buddhist writer David Richo there are five givens in life our egos defend against with fear. These ‘givens’ of life are:

All things change and end

Things do not always go according to plan

Life is not always fair

Pain and loss are a part of life

People are not loving and loyal all the time

In the face of the givens we often feel fearful or defensive. According to Richo “fear is a no to what is.” To fear the givens is to be afraid of life, since they are its components. Fear prevents us from experiencing life fully and living in the moment by creating avoidance and attraction. We avoid what is unpleasant and we grasp at whatever makes us feel good. Instead of these reactions we can adopt a middle pathway. We can become both defenceless and resourceful in the following ways :

In the face of change and endings we can recognize we may lose what we have, in the face of the fear of this instead of hiding out or avoiding life we can grieve participate, and let go. According to some recent writing I was reading from Louise Hay one of the marks of those she has worked with who suffer addictions is a difficulty with and defences against loss or change.

In the face of life not always going according to plan we can face and accept that our expectations or needs may not always be met. Instead of becoming rigid and controlling or resentful when they are not, we can instead accept what happens when expecations are not met and learn from that experience.

In the face of things not always being fair we must learn to accept that we may not always get our fair share, instead of insisting on being withholding out of fear and clinging on, blaming those who are unfair, we can have the attitude that sometimes things will work out and at others they will not.

In the face of pain we can face instead of defending against facing difficult truths. We can develop an attitude of resilience instead of trying to guard against painful experiences. This does not mean to allow pain of abuse, (we can and do learn from that), it is about allowing pain that is natural and not adding to it by trying to suppress or control it.

In the face of others not being loving and loyal always we can face the fear we have of being hurt and having to grieve. Instead of avoiding all relationships and closeness or vulnerability we can speak up when others hurt us by saying “ouch” while not retaliating. And if we are in a pattern of consistently choosing hurtful or wounding relationships or patterns we can work to face, grieve and in so doing  surrender those old patterns and change.