Those of us with a hostile inner critic can learn to turn it around to be a champion of our true self if we do not remain ignorant of the lies it tells us nor get endlessly stuck in defending the criticised child that lives inside of us. It may also help us to know that the critic may have learned to criticize us in an effort to keep us safe, it may have been imported from a parent who also struggled with parents under a lot of stress or pressure.. The epigentic research of people like Bruce Lipton and Rachael Yehuda do show how such anxiety and trauma and stress is passed on cellularly to descendents from overly anxious parents who underwent losses or responded to those carried and not spoken of or about by their parents.
Believe me I know how much killing off and criticism my Mum faced as a youngster, gosh it tears my heart up at times thinking of Mum and Nana having lost Bluey my grandad due to war injuries in around 1931 when Mum was only 7 and being left all alone with not even a pension to support them. So Nana left Mum each morning at around 7 am and was not home after school either due to being gone both times cleaning offices. In winter Nana had no transport and actually walked there in freezing cold carrying a hurricane light to guide her way. At home alone Mum kept herself warm at night using a stone from the fire wrapped in a towel. I wish I understood this years ago.
My Mum turned into a fighter (shown in my chart by Moon (mother) conjunct Mars and Saturn.) She had to be, there was no rest, we never knew what it was to let go and relax as a family, life was dominated either by working or cleaning to keep things super neat and tidy and Mum sewed all of our dresses. At times when I was reaching for fun and play or relaxing drawing, I got injured or just trying to move and live I got hurt. No wonder later in life I went into almost complete isolation and collapse, no wonder both my sisters and niece too have all undergone a variety of this kind of stuck or spasming body trauma. Dad often denied we hurt from being injured.. We had to suck it up. I was overstimulated by tickling I could not stop and would be prevented from going to the toilet.. I became a bed wetter.
Today I let my self count to 20 before doing the dishes. “No!” I said to the critic, “why do I have to clean up immediately, who will die if I do not?” even before I am finished eating, the critic is whipping me on, (Jay Early and Bonnie Weiss call this permutation of the inner critic ‘the slave driver” but today I could champion myself too and not rush as much while remembering to do a long slow out breath (we often forget this when caught up in anxiety). I also took time to affirm myself and be proud of how much I am growing lately
Sadly the inner critic only ever developed as a protector and unfortunately that protection may imprison, not only us but others we turn it onto as an outer criticism or to those who challenge that impulse with their own differing inherited style of upbringing. For those of us coming out of centuries of neglect healthy self esteem, a balanced, grounded sense of self and boundaries will all take time. There may be many missteps along the way, but we can always learn, mostly through trial and error as well as by taking steps to see why and what that virulent inner critic is trying to say to us or protect us from.
I am going to close out this post with a list of the 6 forms of control our inner critic can use.. Each of these can, in turn, be challenged by our inner champion or defender.
The Perfectionist Inner Critic. (tells you you cannot be loved, accepted or alive unless you are perfect … by whose value system?)
The Undermining Inner Critic. (Puts down genuine impulses of the true self or things you would love to do to expand your life and being)
The Taskmaster or slave driver Inner Critic. (Will not let you rest and makes you work harder and harder to seek approval from outside your own value system.)
The Controller Inner Critic.. (Will not let you enjoy things like food or exercise or sex or other things that you can use to bring joy and not necessarily numb feelings.)
The Guilt Tripper Inner Critic (Makes you feel guilt for any ‘selfish’ impulse exiled by the IC)
The Molder Inner Critic (Tries to turn you around to live and express someone else’s values or version of yourself, not your own)
Reference : Freedom from your Inner Critic : A Self Therapy Approach, Jay Earley, PhD and Bonnie Weiss, LCSW. Published by Sounds True
Emerging From The Dark Night 