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Im hurting

i’m angry and hurting like hell today.. I got so angry I slammed the over door shut at lunch time due to pressure a neighbor was putting on me and more troubles with Scott that it shattered into a thousand pieces and I ended up cutting myself.. I just could not handle the anger I was feeling and then I got a terrible shock when the glass just shattered.. It could have been worse and no one got hurt luckily but I am SO OVER HELPING ONLY TO BE HURT.

I wake at 7 am with more new about killing and terror.. I never signed up for this.. I have been helping this guy for 3 years now but its never enough. He accused me today of only caring about money after I asked for it back, he makes me feel so diminished and talks of suicide of other soldiers as if its a manipulation tactic.. I have had my own suicidal thoughts, I had them for years but I never acted on them.. I am angry that I am carrying the can for this and he treats me as if I am mercinary for asking my money back.. I have been so kind in my life and it seems to me the kinder I am the more people ask of me.. I am at breaking point with it.. I do not need to be with someone so bad that I will be abused in this way any more.. I want to walk away… if he dies in Iraq it is on his choices not down to me.. but because I am kind he uses that the accuses me of being unfeeling saying just to forget about him… I cannot shut that down but its time for self preservation, I hate to say it but I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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12 thoughts on “Im hurting”

  1. Deborah I hear your pain. It is often this way sadly. That themkindest most loving and beautiful peoplenget sbused. My heart is with you.

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