What do I know of love
At this moment
Only a deep and searing pain
Left and lingering a raw refrain
That burns and burns inside my chest
And is not moving anywhere
Is just a smouldering pit of molten lead
That births despair
Allowing me never to rest
You offered me the promise of a love that will never end
And then the ‘gif’t’ that you were not free
For nine more months
In any way to come to me
Deployment extended into the nightmare of the unfree
Another turn of the vice
That crushes me
Just as my aching heart
Was opening up to infinite possibility
Life is hard when its it now
I need you most
And God denies me once again
What is this curse that hovers over us
Stealing light
Turning my gaze once again
Toward the darkest pit
Of impotence
Sometimes it seems that
All I have ever known in this life
Is nightmare after nightmare
A wasteland battle field strewn with corpses
Of dead soldiers
And of all the souls of ones whose love
Lead them to suffer and ache
And grow a wound that damaged them
Beyond repair
Disappointment becomes rage
I wish you would burn in hell
For all you are putting me through
Banks and financial institutions wont help us
In any way to get the money through to set you free
A promise of liberation
Offered by the Commanding Officer
Due to your ill health difficulty
Hope flys free of it confinement
Only to crash as we encounter each new road block
It is all becoming far too much for this soul to bear
And that old old pit I thought was so long gone
Of deep despair
Is finally opening up beneath my feet
As I totter once again on the edge of emptiness
And if all the light and promise of what we hoped for
Again just disappears
How will I not just drown again
Facing the curse
That pain and sorrow and disappointment
Are the only constants
I have ever known
And so I rail
I scream and shout
At the Universe
Denier of my soul
As love vacates the place opened by desire
Leaving only fear
And when love has gone
Then what place remains for my soul
To find a home upon this earth
I am so tired
And death is calling me
Offering the promise and peace of oblivion
What is love
I ask
It is the desire to no longer live in such loneliness and pain
Because when love is gone
Then nothing of true value
Remains
Emerging From The Dark Night 
Deborah, I want to say something, and please know that I’m saying this only out of my own personal experience with a VERY similar situation, and it may not be the truth of your situation. I’m only mentioning it because I hate seeing you hurt, and if it turns out this is the same thing, I’d rather you find out sooner rather than later. Anyway, The person I had a bad online experience with led me to believe they were part of a very important job, and they couldn’t get out of it (for various reasons that kept coming up), and that’s why we couldn’t physically be together. And each time the months came closer to being able to see one another, “something” happened in this job and with this person’s “superiors” that kept pushing the date further and further away. Eventually I found out, through pure coincidence, that the entire thing was a fabrication. It was all made up. This person was some idiot in front of a computer making up elaborate stories in order to hook others into falling in love with them- just for the kick! It’s a common thing in the online world. It’s called “catfishing”. Here are some links that might be useful:
https://www.eharmony.com.au/dating-advice/trust-and-safety/10-ways-to-catch-out-a-catfish#.W0JHiNIza00
https://www.littlethings.com/catfishing-signs-to-know/
Sending hugs. ❤
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We will see Rayne this situation is a bit different to yours. I am aware of catfishing and I know it is a possibility it could be the case. Im trying trying to pull back at present. I appreciate your concern. Hugs and love to you too xo
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I understand. ❤
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