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Feeling bad

I felt bad about hanging up on my brother on Monday night in the early hours of this morning.  I thought it was a very immature way to just hang up but then I realised I was angry and could not find the words “I dont feel you are listening to me, so I am feeling angry and I am going to go now!”  I just reacted as I do.   I dont need to feel shame or guilt for it because my response was valid.  At the same time I do feel for my brother because now that Mum and Dad are gone and he is chief exectuor of everything he is having to be the one to protect and try to care for us.  My sister finally responded yesterday as I sent her a text to say I was scared and thinking of her and hoped in the hospital psychology care facility she would get the help she needed, love empathy and understanding as well as tools to manage her anxiety and feelings.   She took a while to get back to me and it was a great message saying how she realised she wasnt well for some time and had been isolating.  I know the grief she carries in her heart and I felt so much for her oh she also told me she loves me.  That made me so so happy.  It was soft and tender.  I told her I am not up to visiting her yet and that in meditation yesterday I sent her love.   So yesterday morning’s anxiety decreased significantly by early afternoon.

Anyway thats my update.  I see my brother getting her into care was a good thing not necessarily something to be scared about, I just hope they help her to deal with her feelings and suggest she gets some talk therapy so she can make better sense of things.  I am glad too she is not stuck in her apartment alone as her head was beating her up.  Please keep my sister in your prayers if you could?

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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12 thoughts on “Feeling bad”

  3. Sometimes silence is better though right? Hanging up was. Just your way to let words go unsaid. Prayers to your sister right now

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