Accepting that your point of view and mine will differ

Recent conflicts in my life have had me digging deep to see how other people’s perspectives vary from my own and to develop more of an appreciation for the ego defenses or blockages that so often prevent them understanding or entering into my reality.

I had one of those key denial of my reality experiences with my brother before. Maybe its an oldest child thing to think you have all of the answers for others or are specially in the know as to what another person should do or has experienced, but is this even possible? Psychologist Edith Eger states clearly in her book The Gift that it is untrue to say we can fully know how another person feels, the most we can do is ask a lot of questions and have a sense of curiosity for how others do in fact feel. But when there is this trap door that slams shut on your reality at the hands of another or you are accused of believing or feeling things that you do not it can be so frustrating and at times difficult to accept and understand.

This is what happened in the conflict with my ‘friend’ the other day but what hurt most was her unwillingness to actually admit to another reality and her seemingly stringent emphasis on her own point of view to the exclusion of others. And then the way she had of deflecting any of my own protests to make it seem like I was being annoying or ‘difficult’. To be shamed for being angry when you are trying to make a point, to have no empathy shown is bloody tough and can warp one’s reality if as a child we never got to feel that strong sense of ‘Self’ and our own inner reality. We may then fall into a fawn or collapse response which was definately what happened to me on the Sunday while the intensity of the call was going down and later via text messages where she accused me of having no understanding of her own struggles.

Leo has very much to do with having a power of belief in the true self and is very much about being centered in that Self and our own essence or ‘heart’ energy when that centering is not present one can become like small boat thrown about on high emotion seas as well as by the storms of others. An ego that is weak has no ‘ground’ and may easily lose ground in the face of far stronger egos. A weak ego may have defencses that step into protect us from feelings of vulnerability and shame that come from not being truely ‘got’or alternatively we may in the face of this fall again and lose our power. Not being taught ways to stay centered in or own power means we have a hard time feeling good, or having a surpluse of energy or drive. Depression then steps in, we may second guess how we truly feel and give over when really we need to hold onto our solid ground.

Knowing when another is coming from a defensive ego may also help us not to fight battles that we may never win. It may help in this situation to accept the blockade rather than fight against it and then to walk away peacefully to find our own. In time we may even be able to laugh about the situation in which our own ego found us at odds with another. Knowing my brother will never accept certain things in me which he judges as errors or weakness or me being ‘a loose cannon’ as he once called me over the dead body of my mother and letting go may free me to have a relationship while knowing it can never be one based on that necessary sense of validation that in truth needs to come for me from deep within the Self.