Stone

If I told you a story

Of a little girl who had to sleep with a stone

Wrapped in a blanket

To keep her warm

Would you feel sad for her

Could you feel the ache deep in her body

And the longing she had for comfort

Would you empathize

When I told you of how her mother never once said

I love you

Nor held her close

Could you then understand how terrified she was

At times

And how hard she had to struggle to survive

But wouldn’t it make sense of how difficult it felt

To draw close to her

And of how she used to fly into a frenzy

When things became too disorderd or chaotic?

Lately I feel sad for the times I wanted so badly

To seek her comfort

But then turned away

Thinking I had to be strong and tough

Lately I have regrets at the way I took flight

When she found it difficult to face her own grief

And my own

If only I could have had more empathy for that little girl

If only I had understood then how hard it was for her

To own her feelings

Maybe tenderness would have won out

Over rage

But sadly now I can only see it all

And grow in wisdom for how often

My own ego stood in the way

Of being able to choose tenderness

Because always it felt like such a drastic fight for survival

I fought and ran and raged

While often crying so silently

Now the tears are spent

Wisdom has grown in their place

And lately I see too how I also often drove away

Comfort

Or acted violently

All the time due to feeling powerless

Over feeling I had so little control

Over this maternal ancestral past

And at night as I warm my icy feet

I think of how that little girl

Was and is cells of my cells

As the awakening of mercy

Tenderises the rough hewn places

Where only ignorance lived.