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Gratitude

Today I focus upon gratitude. Today I am so grateful to have the use of my arms and legs, to be walking and able to drive my car, when at this time three months ago I was confined to a hospital bed in the Intensive Care Unit at hospital unable to stand, unable to walk, convulsing all the time and at times struggling to breathe. Around this time my weight had dropped to 43 kilos and I was certain I was dying.

Lately my gratitude sees me making the most of my body and movement, it encourages me to counter the pull to just be frozen and in fact take steps to both exercise and attend to improvements in my environment. Having earlier nights as winter draws in and eating shortly after dark falls seem to enable my body to be in a far better sleep rhythm than it has been in since my husband and I separated just under 19 years ago. And stopping the focus on my past trauma in therapy means I am also not pulled in as much to negative thinking and painful past feelings that have nothing to do with the now. So even though it was painful for my therapist to say she felt our therapy was no longer benefitting me a few weeks ago, I am glad she was brave enough to take that step and I was brave enough to see that I must accept her advice and look for ways both to empower myself and bring myself joy.

There are so many things in my life to be grateful for these days: my house and lovely garden, my dog Jasper, my lovely friends and family, my income and safety and sense of being in a good state of mind, all due to me accepting that the doctors at the hospital did know what was best for me and that surrendering my fears of drug intervention and ECT would make life so much easier. Today I believe the Universe took care of me all through my breakdown which reached a peak between the 7th and 23rd of March, when the order was taken for me to have involuntary ECT. There is a saying that the Lord moves in mysterious ways. And in AA we pray not for our will to be done but for God’s will to be done. I do believe I am one with God so that breakdown was a breakthrough, it showed me where I was heading in a wrong direction and it helped to re-orient me in a more positive, engaged and healthier direction. Struggling as I did for so long leading up to the breakdown it made me even more grateful for the good I have in my life, good that I squandered while staying hostage to the demands of a scammer and not being strong enough to break away.

I will end with this quote from AA’s Daily Reflections :

The journey of life is a very happy one, as long as I am willing to accept change and responsibility.

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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17 thoughts on “Gratitude”

  1. I’ve been in recovery since 1999. Your post resonated with me. I love reading about this journey of healing. To me, there is nothing braver and more beautiful than open-hearted vulnerability. It’s not easy to share, at least for me. But stories like this always give me hope and help me keep going. Btw I share my recovery journey on my blog Tizz and some on my scrapbook blog Niki Flow. But mostly I write about it on Tizz since 2021 or so. Keep shining, Sister. You are beautiful. ♥

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      4. In case you want to read about my recovery journey, it’s here: https://rx4healing.wordpress.com/ and for the past month I’ve been obsessed with and greatly blessed by Shahroo Izadi and her book The Kindness Method. So all through May the posts were about that. It’s really helping me. She is also a behavioral psychologist, same field as my daughter and also in the UK (I’m in the US) and she has worked extensively with people in recovery. She also lost 120 lbs. doing nothing more than using her own behavioral methods. So you are spot on about that huge spiritual awakening. I’ve returned to my Beloved daily too (meditation) and it’s been a very long time. ♥

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      5. I love the idea of the beloved, Henri Nouwen wrote at length about coming out of self rejection to be embraced by this loving force. I love his book Life of the Beloved. I have a busy day today and tomorrow but will be thrilled to read your blog as soon as I can. I wil look into Sharoo Izadi. ❤ ❤ ❤

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  3. Oh cool. Thank you for the recommendation of Henri Nouwen. I’ll definitely check out Life of the Beloved. Thanks so much. I hope we have a beautiful, healing week! =) *hugs* ♥

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