So many low murmuring voices
Surrounding me
In this medical cachophany
As our chaotic human world
Devolves in an errant symphony
Shattered by trauma and over whelmed I lie
Alternatively astounded
And also terrifying
As a young child
I could not control
The overpowering forces
Impinging upon my body
Mind and soul
And far too long ago I surrendered my power
And only sadly
Realised my mistake
So this is the fragmented mess of my life
I must now face
How can I hold things together anymore?
As all I loved disappears
And yet surrounding me is also
So much love
Falling like gentle rain
From the heavens above
While the storm rages
And my belly grows emptier
Truly I am disintegrating
Falling into the darkest most chaotic
Wilderness
A deep void from which there appears
No possibility of return
Emerging From The Dark Night 
Back when we were young, we may not have the powers to, tune all of the cacophony out, but, we are all, grown up now, and more able to, separate what we hear as true, and what are the, lies, and, be able to, ignore, all those, lies that others may try and force us to, swallow down, and, internalize.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wasn’t and now I am bed ridden in hospital and they want to place me un the psyche ward. I sadly let others yell me what was goid for me when it wasn’t.
LikeLike
I hear your despair. 💔 Is there a pathway to getting back to your house that is being discussed? I feel hope is a powerful force. I hope someone around you is on your side and encouraging you.
LikeLike
They think they are but they don’t understand my digestive sensitivity pr deep emotional attinement. The drugs are fucking me up and I’m so angry right now. I let this happen and let others persuade me out of my own deep truth.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hang in there my lovely, use this time as a recalibration. You’ve done nothing wrong, only been kind, but it’s time to fully focus on yourself now! Allow the hospital to help. Feel the anger as it comes up but breathe and stay calm! You need to keep a sound mind and not be put anywhere! Sending much love, and I know you’ll be ok… we’re all have the crazy days at the moment! ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
They were doing all together could to help be Barbara, when I surrendered it became easier. I appreciate your wise advice. 💙
LikeLiked by 1 person
IAM glad you are seeing improvement and in your surrender the wisdom illness can bring❤️💃🌈 sending love, take care🥰
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Deborah, I’m sorry I’m so late leaving my comment. I read your post soon after you wrote it, but then I couldn’t find it again. Today, I was determined and went through my inbox with a fine toothcomb, and here you are.
I’m so sorry you’re going through such awful pain, mentally, emotionally and physically. I feel for you so much, my friend, and wish I could do something to get you out of that place. I know you wrote in this post that they wanted to put you in the psychiatric ward. Did they do that, and is that where you are now. You also said you were bedridden – that must be awful for you as it makes you feel so powerless, which is the last thing you need right now. I remember the cacophony of hospital wards – always so much noise and bustle and no peace. I hate to think of you there. Please, know that I am thinking of you so often, and I’m only sorry I’ve taken so long to reply and to be there for you in the only way I can at the moment. Sending you so much love, my friend. I offer you an endless supply of comforting and healing hugs. Xxxx 💙💜💐💜💙
LikeLike