Emptying ourselves of our brokenness : some reflections

The beautiful Barbara, blogger of My Magnificent Self wrote this comment about ’emptying ourselves of our brokenness” on a recent post/poem of mine 5 days ago. I had been in such a deep, strange place I had not seen the comment until a moment ago and it truly did resonate. A little while before I had conflict with someone that came out of a hurt and mixed up part of me, it hurt the person and they told me, it was a trigger for me to cry and feel quiet bereft but I recognize that as a good thing. The person really cares about me but I so often doubt them and second guess then and that doubt comes out of a part of me I know recognize can feel triggered and unloved. The person isn’t hurting me and I am he one buying into those thoughts of doubt or fear of rejection.

I am trying to use some of the R.A.I.N practice of Tara Brach lately which comes from Recognizing, Accepting, Investigating and Non-identify with feelings we experience.. It is a way of tuning into our hearts deeply to hear the suffering inside instead of lashing out or being over reactive by throwing it out there onto someone or some event outside. It is a helpful practice to feel my brokenheartedness and that comes when I hurt another person as my own feelings have eclipsed my ability to see theirs as separate, hard for an empath to do at times and especially for someone not shown as a child how to attune to her own feelings and treat them with care, recognizing though ‘real’ they do not always represent ‘the truth’ of things.

After this I wrote the following virtues on a piece of paper.

Forgiveness

Compassion

Tolerance

Patience

Empathy

I need to use these qualities or virtues in my life and show them towards my own feelings or broken split off fragments at times to welcome them all back into my heart. And then to empty out or release some of that past pain..

My friend also spoke of the new world of light and love and joy to come from the emptying out process so many of us are undergoing lately. I felt the urge to share all of this.. Feeling the suffering I may cause myself or others makes me more humble. I do not have to blow anything off, I can welcome it in, while knowing too, it is not the whole of them or I.. These feelings are more like waves on the surface that rise and fall and rise and fall and rise and fall in the natural daily process of living and doing my best to continue the challenging practice of living and showing up daily while working to keep attuned deep within.