How seeking our power outside of ourselves, confuses us

We need anchors as a child, parents to show us love and to model healthy emotions, we also need to be seen as we are, not as our parent project and one of the biggest problems coming out of that kind of childhood and being a sensitive is that we devalue ourselves and do not honor our gifts. In her book on longing and emotional sensitivity, author Susan Cain tells the story of a woman called Susan David, and uses it to demonstrate how seeking our truth or power outside of what our feelings or inner self is telling us can have negative consequences.. Susan learned to kept smiling through her pain, rather than acknowledging its message, that its truth had been over-ridden. So many of us learn to do this in society, a society that is often geared around winners and losers, but a society in which the lessons of the so called ‘loser’ may have a lot to teach them. She also explains in her book how society sets up us up to both compete and pretend, as well as put on a fake front in order to ‘make it’ and dodge criticism or rejection, but in this situation depression and anxiety are the result since the true self is not being honored at all.

Aaron Dougherty who posts a lot of online videos was a sensitive young boy who suffered at the hands of his step mother, he speaks often of how empaths and sensitives tend to abandon their own inner center, it may be that the longing for the missing paternal or maternal love evaded them. It may be that they do not know how to hold and honor their inner feelings and seek a source of inner wisdom which they naturally carry and as trauma therapist Tian Dayton reminds, true wisdom is often revealed from deep within the self and often through facing up to both challenges and struggle. But sadly learning to self abandon and seek our power outside of the self may take us a long long way down difficult paths and for many of us, it may not be until later life that we start to begin to awaken from the ‘trance’.

This week I am focusing on the part of me that is whole and strong, the part of me that can look with loving compassion upon the struggling parts and especially my inner child, teenager and young adult of the past. I went through such a tough young life as my Moon Mars Saturn aspects show, I was alone a lot as a child and that came with many emotional disappointments but also gifts.. The accident at 17 took me out of the mainstream and if as NDE researcher David Suich claims our soul actually chooses to go through an accident then it must be for a higher purpose of some kind.

It is interesting to me that the second accident I had in working through the pain of the first one (and this occurred at 43 years of age) occured with transiting Chiron (planet of wounding and healing) smack bang on my natal Mars at 1 degree of Aquarius.. I was also under very strong Neptunian aspects of dissolution at the time and from about 39 years of age everything started to dissolve and deconstruct as I began my dark night of the soul descent. Listening to an interesting video on the shadow last week I was reminded the dark night of the soul has very much to do with encountering not only our hidden dark side, but also (for many of us) parts of the family or ancestral shadow.

Those of us who become identified patients or family scapegoats are often more attuned to deeper realms and may be denied the truth of what we see, feel and intuit. Getting stronger during our dark night experience means we learn not to discount this dark side and devalue it and be victims of a culture of toxic positivity which Susan Cain addresses at length in her book Bittersweeet : How Longing and Sorrow Make Us Whole. That said a lot of the sadness we may end up carrying may not even be all of our own. It is important as we recover that we begin to see we got in problems for the light we carried and felt like misfits for a reason. As sensitives we saw in some way the toxic aspects of our culture, history and family and yet even all of those toxic things were a necessary part of evolution, not to be dismissed but seen through and outgrown on some level.

Attuning to our Higher Self or loving Inner Parent helps us to defeat and shrink both our inner and outer critic and we can knwo by both the energy and tone of inner voices we hear, over time, which is which. Also I am beginning to understand that when we criticize others often we do not see the deeper spiritual truths that made their problematic behavior necessary, we do not see it is all just down to unconsciousness and then we tend to get righteous and strident (and I know I have done this in the past). The deeper truth is that all souls are evolving on their own pathway and we do not always know what that is or the purpose or reason for their unloving ways.

Our loving HS or IP keeps us in touch with our Over Soul which was a term I kept hearing a lot in my head lately and was mentioned in a recent meditation I did on ancestral healing.. This part of us knows a lot more about our earth bound self’s inner journey than we expect and we can tune into it in meditation. We can also call on angelic help. The angels can help us with the ancestral burdens and I was told to start looking into this more.

When I connect to my inner source I feel a great free flow of power and energy within my being.. I feel both more loving and more grounded. Seeing how I got turned against myself in self rejection has been a huge gift coming of the past eclipses and on an astrological note both Venus and Mercury are entering at present into a t-square with both Mars and Neptune over the next week across the mutable signs Gemini (Mars), Sagittarius (Venus and Mercury) and Pisces (Neptune)

Under these influcences prepared to feel either a lot of confusion or compassion in this period, keep your focus both loving and compassionate and if others are behaving erratically it may be due to the Neptune influence, since Neptune often represents both the most confusing of influences, this is also a really good time to engage in creative pursuits or those that take us into the Neptunian dimension… music, poetry, art etc. We still have over 6 weeks of Mars retrograde to go, so we are all learning so much at this time about past issues surrounding our approach to life, and relationships, the energy is rising though at the moment with all of these firey inner planet influences, we may be getting a vision of more hope if we are not buying into our cultures obessesion with doom and gloom.