Crying

OMG.. The tears are just breaking through all of my armor at present.. I got these moments of exquisite sadness, joy, amazement, and regard for the absolute preciousness of life a short while ago while walking the block with Jasper. Sadly he barks a lot out of fear at times and two other doggies gazed at us both with infinite doggie kindness seeping out of their bodies, one was a Golden Retriever the other an oodle of some kind. Maybe Jasper was just saying hello and claiming his territory.

I am also having floods of memories flowing through my consciousness often being triggered by seeing one of the simplest of things, like an iceberg rose bush, as my ex husband is on my mind a lot lately as any upset at our breaking apart melts away in the light of love.. To be honest finding the happiness we shared for those two years in Cambridge again has not been easy at all, I missed him a lot when he left and felt so bereft, especially after he told me I was killing his spirit and his joy. I can see why now, I had not grieved or processed so very much.. And yet there have been times of happiness in the 18 years since, but the emptiness of missing him and our peaceful simple Cambridge life so close to the lovely Grantchester meadows is always with me. In many ways Australia does not feel like my home at all.

Anyway, this is just a brief Monday update for my blog today. I am feeling close to death at the moment, the toll of my freeze states and the way I sometimes attack or fail to nurture my body is weighing heavily on me.. I also listened to some very interesting videos on high sensitivity, one of which I will share below.

I hope Monday finds you well and if not, capable of self nurturing. The more I cry and age the more I see how vulnerable life is and how much we can sometimes miss the joy and forget to lighten up and have fun, which is one of the burdens of being raised by a super serious family such as mine, also possibly a legacy of coming out of those ancestral dark ages.