this solitude

There are reasons why I pulled away

there amongst the wild tides

I felt the ocean receding

and the memory of your touch

was then

like the breath of a warm breeze

upon my shoulder

while the rising moon

reflected loneliness

memories of other times

of other leavings

rose too

there was a reason I chose

this solitude

it had gifts

but oh the darkness in it

now at night

I listen to the Celtic lament

and sometimes dance

it calls me home in my soul

as i hold and gaze upon

that photo of you

you were only 19 then

so radiant

so beautiful

memories come then of the later years

in which you struggled

of the many times I sat close by

holding your hand

even on that last night when I knew

they would not let you live

truly you are never far from me

the hidden feeling of you is there

in each new encounter

the truth is I could never lose you

but I did

and that is why

sometimes

I chose

not companionship

but this solitude