This is where I was 4 years ago. Reading it back I am reminded of the spiral, each year we pass over the same old experiences while doing our best to ground in this day and keep moving forward.
It was very painful to explore some past dynamics earlier and go back to that time when my family could only tell me to get myself to the Doctor rather than offer empathy, soothing, understanding and support instead of cold detachment. I think I learned early on to be defended too, like them and to show anger if I was hurt instead of sorrow at the pain. However the truth is that sometimes maybe anger becomes sorrow and sorrow anger and maybe its like the ying yang symbol with each having a little of the other inside it and being tinged too with deeper feelings of frustration, overwhelm and powerlessness at times.
(Earlier as I was writing this) I hadn’t got out to walk yet and its 2pm because of more money wrangles with Scott. Luckily everything seems to be working out now with things. but I am still feeling…
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Emerging From The Dark Night 