Comparing myself : some thought

I know that I should not do it but too often I can compare myself to others and come up lacking. I do not acknowledge myself for how hard I try I only criticise myself for not measuring up then that criticism can come back on me.

Thank God for my dear AA friend we really had the loveliest chat today, he feels, he cares, he knows how he puts himself in a doormat role often so we can share insights, he has also worked as a pet grief counsellor, he has 3 dogs at any one time and told me today they always get a younger one as the oldest one ages. He is also still grieving the loss of his lovely Sophie after 4 years.

What he shared with me today about grief was so affirming. He spoke of how when someone we love and have deeply bonded with dies, human or animal, a part of us dies with them for a while. It’s a bit like a missing piece taken and takes a lot of processing. I was sharing my own belief that our shut down culture has a hard time allowing and supporting deep grieving, having a toughen up ethos he agreed. But that kind of approach just does not seem helpful to anyone. That said we all.process grief differently.

We also spoke of how brutalized and brutalising older generations so often were. Boy are meant to toughen up not feel confusion, pain, doubt or fear and often feel they need to fix or control the unfixable. I wish I realized this truth about one of my nephews a year ago, so I didn’t have to lash out with concerns he could not hear. I am also gaining more insight into my older brothers emotional shut down sensing he still does feel deeply, even if it does not always show. Never judge a book by its cover!

Anyway when it comes to comparing our processes it does no good. I watched a very interesting short video by Brene Brown on this subject last night in which she said its not always possible to walk in another person’s shoes that we are all different and that it’s best to ask how is that for you and try deep listening. It’s something Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh so often talks about.

So let’s be open to others and respect we all process truth differently. In his June energy update that I watched last night energy intuitive Lee Harris said this issue of different truths and not forcing our own onto others will be a big one this month. We can instead be open to hear how others interpret truth as well as how they feel. And we can respect the differences, because when we compare things just become too heavily weighted in the direction of unhealthy dualism and separateness and we fund it harder to forge ant kind of deeper connection or loving bond between our hearts.