No coming, no going

I love the growing realization that my spirit is eternal, it is not a way we are taught to view our lives in the linear model, with beginnings and endings and stops and start. For me, I see and feel life energy moving more in a kind of spiral moving from the center to periphery and in the other direction but the spirals move in many different directions in my body.. Emotional release or anger can lead to contractions and expansions though. I seem to have spent a lot of life in contraction. (Saturn)

I enjoy doing Chi Gong energy practice lately as it helps me to feel myself as a vibrational being which we all are and not a body reduced to systems and components alone.. There is a buzz of electricity that you can feel move through you after doing certain movements and it reminds me that anxiety is just one form of feeling life energy move and the problems come when we start attaching doom laden thoughts to that.. But I am not immune to that, and am becoming more aware when I go into that space.

In his book on fear Thich Nhat Hanh talks of the recognition he had after his mother died that she was not gone from him but all around him, the description of how he walked out into snow late at night seeing it lit up by the moon and felt her there in everything around him, reminded me of being awoken by a rain filled breeze flowing in through my bed room door shortly after Mum died, as I lay there breathing it in the air felt a lot like love and was perfumed by her. I totally new she was with me.

Today I can know no matter what my worries in the end things will be okay even when they do not seem to be. There are heart aches I am navigating now that have far less to do with past sorrow and more with the growing realization of how many out there are longing for love and how this basic drive often lies under so much.. Maybe its just this eclipse season as we move closer to the Full Moon on the 15th to 16th of May, I do not know.. I only know that lately knowing that my soul is eternal gives me such comfort and also releases all of my fears of threat and annihilation that became so powerful over the course of my life’s traumas.