If only : some thoughts on understanding our emotional repression

If only we allowed people a full range of emotional expression how different this world might be. I just had an important conversation with my cousin’s son. He told me he does not feel safe enough to cry or express emotions around most people and we talked alot about the biases in our culture that do not allow women anger and men fear and sadness but Simon also said to me that he does not feel women are allowed to feel fear in our culture either and maybe this is why anxiety is so rife in our world. After all if we end up binding all of these emotions in shame then of course the pressure of them hitting the defences and road blocks we put in place will generate those difficult to bear and uncomfortable sensations of undiscovered emotional reality in us and due to our emotional numbing, alexithymia or repression we will also not be able to name and understand, nor accept them either.

I am not going into Kat’s rooms to do therapy this morning I’m going to do it on the phone I don’t think she handled my anger well in the last session on debriefing she seemed not to get the intensity of it and should I have to be explaining all this to a qualified therapist? Just don’t know the answer to be honest but Simon was late and we ended up getting caught up discussing all of this which helped me more in some ways and to rush drive there felt just too much of an over extension so ill do it on the phone in nature today.

God knows unpacking a lifetime of trauma I experienced and witnessed is taking its time and so it should, not to mention until lately there has not been a lot of support in being emotionally real but slowly that is happening. It is also about taking the time and tuning inwards to feel what is right for me, not right for my therapist, I appreciate her early childhood knowledge but I also need to trust me too. God knows being able to really be able to do that has been taking its time.