A call from my sister : feeling the flow of love

I took myself off to an AA meeting this morning.. It was strange to be back but I did manage to connect to several people and even though I no longer struggle with an addiction to alcohol felt for those who still are, often due to being triggered and not able to cope emotionally.. Towards the final 10 minutes my phone rang and it was my sister calling. This is the first time she has tried to contact me since August and I ran out of the meeting to take the call..

Her son let me know yesterday she was being put back into aged care after her falls and stint in hospital and that she was eating again, it was good call but when my sister rang she was quite distressed.. I asked her if she remembered my brother and I trying to contact her after Christmas and she said that she did but was not capable of talking, honestly she has been to hell and back since the middle of 2020.. And then she was berating herself for not being able to care for herself in term of cooking and so I tried to remind her of all she has gone through and how possibly due to all of this now she just needs to be cared for for a time.

I had to end the call to catch the final 5 minutes of the meeting and it took some time to reconnect.. She is reaching out again and that is a positive sign though she tells me she feels she will never be able to drive again.. Uranus going forward is meaning that reverted energy is pulling forward again and I am really feeling this Venus at 12 degrees of Capricorn at the moment slowing down for the final week of its retrograde movement in this sign.

I listened to a reading on this last night and it said apparently many people are currently either being drawn back to past emotional or romantic connections or coming to terms with how much their values (Venus) have shifted over the past months.. When Venus stations to move forward on the 29th it will start to move back towards Pluto and as Mercury moves backwards from the early degrees of Aquarius it now occupies to the final degrees of Capricorn before turning direct on the 3rd of February it will also aspect Pluto (in a similar place where Venus and Pluto met at the beginning of Venus’s retrograde cycle 6 weeks ago) which brings into my mind exami I g our perceptions as well as the meaning we will come to make, in time, of these Venus retrograde events.

If Venus Pluto inducates shifts, reorientation and rebirth then profound and potentially healing shifts of perspective that may result from separation consciousness (Saturn being squared by Uranus) to unity consciousness if we are prepared to own past wounds and shadow issues that hurt and may still affect us in present time.

There is an issue of authenticity at the underground of all of this..and since Capricorn is the final earth sign with a strong cardinal energy which has to do with initiation and new beginnings that will also be a strong theme.. These are all aspects of TRANSFORMATION.

While writing this I just had an intuition that by the time the Sun begins to square all of these past planetary conjunctions or meetings from the first cardinal fire sign Aries around March or April we are going to see a lot that is new happening and perhaps experience a drive towards positive new beginnings where effective alignment of active Mars energy is used for creative purposes more deeply in touch with and grounded in feminine values (Uranus placed in the Venus ruled sign of Taurus). Its a good time to draw close to nature and to the healing power and beauty of the earth.

The Sun shifted into by birth sign Aquarius a day ago which aligns me to air and a sense of liberation and freedom. I am feeling a lot of happiness today.. I felt such a bond of love with my sister when we spoke for the second time just before lunch, it was almost as if the ancient ancestral curse separating us has been dissolving.. I feel a healing happening deep down in my soul, for family most especially…..like all the love I had to fear or block or defend against before is finally being liberated as my own self judgements (sometimes projected) fade in the face of knowing never at any time was my soul separate to others.

In truth the feelings of separation from that deep source of love was all part of wounding that happened hidden or buried down so deep inside all of the unfelt pain. It seemed that liberation of si much of this became acute over Christmas and the New Year as all of the complex feeling were grappled with and shed over things I have been exploring and integrating since my own Dark Night of the Soul began about 20 years ago.

After posting this I came across this lovely quote from Buddhist Nun Pema Chodron.

We think that by protecting ourselves from suffering we are being kind to ourselves. The truth is we only become more fearful, more hardened, more alienated. We experience ourselves as being separated from the whole. This separation becomes a prison for us, a prison that restricts us to our personal (versus transpersonal – Pluto) hopes fears and to only caring for the people nearest to us. Curiously enough, if we primarily try to shield ourselves from discomfort, we suffer. Yet when we don’t close off and let our hearts break, we discover our kinship with all living beings.