Fucking awful

My amended denture hurts, I get so fucking over things getting hard just when I think I’ve made it through another suicidal phase, I spun out at the dentists luckily they were really good about it and I apologized but where they put the replacement tooth on the side is so uncomfortable despite the adjustments its like having someone poke a bony sharp finger into me and it hurts around the left breast where I had my cancer surgery.. I get so over one thing after another hurting and just getting over one hurdle to face another, will I get some kind of break soon? Please God!.

Despite all of this complaining I know another side of me has to adjust.. I am trying to keep counting my blessings.. its a relief to get into bed at night and take it off. Maybe I should just walk around with all of my front teeth missing. I felt better today with no attacks when I had the old ill fitting one in. This just makes me question if fitting in gaps is what’s meant to be.. trying to improve stuff just doesn’t end up making it worse but with Uranus going forward in 8 days I know this is about the part of me that longs to be unrestricted and free yelling in its chains, luckily at home I can storm around and curse and swear and hit out and Jasper isn’t even bothered, he somehow just implicitly understands why the wild part of me is reacting this way.