When I am sad

When I am sad

The flood waters rise behind my eyes

Bringing a river of tears that fall

As the band around my chest releases

All of this wanting I had to hide

And even the tears

Because often with the sadness

Comes this belief that I should not be

Cannot be this way

But in truth my soul has known

Great hurt and sorrow

And the estrangment that comes

With feeling all of this to be

Unacceptable

In some way

There are some days

When the sadness

Is so heavy

Or so unconscious

I am spun around

By the holding back

I am not aware of

Until

Once again I find myself

Surprised by

The undulation of this wave of grief

Destablizing me

Knocking me sideways

With a torrent of emotion