Creating problems

So often we create problems with our own minds, things that are not even real are made real and worried about. It’s sad really as such worries tend to rob us of enjoyment and maybe a messed up way we try to believe the lie we have some control over how others react or things work out and in the end the things we think are important to others just may not be noticed or important at all.

Anyway each day I learn more about myself and self centered fears. It’s a term used in AA and it’s making more sense to me lately. The important thing in life is to show up and actually live it through because until you do your mind may block you in all kinds of unnecessary ways and life may shrink to the size of a tiny pea and until you take that first step how will you know how things will work out..Also to keep an open mind on certain things means we may end up winning because we may find joy in directions and with people who differ and may actually even end up teaching us something.

Knowing what you want and going after it is important. I see that now, lacking a sense of power and agency we retreat, and we build a sense of power even if we fail and make mistakes by learning we can then put our efforts in a different direction.

Lately I know I love connecting with people so its sad I got that shut down in me in later years.. Lately the kindness of others seems to be all around me and those old connections are bringing me comfort along with new ones. Also by being vulnerable about myself I can open up that in others too which is a blessing. Keeping secrets out of shame (that may even be unearned) does not help me to learn when shame is actually not even a necessary.

My old friend from AA was right when she encouraged me to get out there and get involved, at the same time as knowing quietness, time alone and inner connection is also important.. We need both for a fully rounded life. And interestingly to me lately, as I risk connecting I learn more and feel so grateful for the goodness in people out there.. There really is a lot of kindness out there when you begin to open your heart to others.. And when you show a true interest in others you can always learn something new. That is not possible if you remain endlessly focused on your own inner fears.