What I cannot control

I have to be mindful to walk with peace and grace today, on a day I get triggered, often things are working out in a way I do not understand, that is something my time in AA taught me.. I do not know why I had so much heartache in life or why I allowed my feelings to make me do things that were not productive I just know that is the truth and yet, never the less I had to do them as I did.

But if Pluto is strong I have to bear in mind that there is a time to notice that if I am being triggered that may be a time not to act but to hold back a bit and just breathe through and pray for the serenity to accept what I cannot control or change as well as wisdom to anchor in to get a better understanding of what current challenges may be asking of me.

I must also remember I have more connections now than 4 years ago after Mum died.. I got invited to a Christmas party on the 19th with poetry and music by a friend who runs a home for people with life challenges, mental health issues and trauma.. I also had the courage to post one of my poems on Facebook which I often do not do so these are good things.. And all I know is this.. if a door wants to close, if a path way keeps being blocked then I should LET GO INSTEAD OF BARRELING ON THROUGH.. Yes we need resilience but sometimes we only manage to generate that enlivening surge of new energy if we let go and stop ‘fighting.’ or take notice of where the Universe is putting up a bit ‘STOP’ sign.

What we resist persists.. and if I am emotionally triggered that I now see IS NOT NECESSARILY THE BEST TIME TO ACT. instead it is a time to check in and be a good friend and kind loving parent to myself, time to take some distance and space so I come from a more responsive rather than reactive perspective on things that may only end up damaging my life.