I listened to a very interesting program on the art and life of the Spanish painter Goya today, it spoke of the suffering and primal dark side of humanity which he watched play out dramatically in his own country during his lifetime and of the art it gave rise to. There was mention in the program of the struggle between the forces of reason/rationality and those of irrationality/destruction and chaos and how these also influenced his art. The program made me remember again how important it is for artists and poets not only to inspire but to give voice or a creative form to a darker vision of human reality that exists and is not possible to just gloss over or sugar coat if an artist is striving for true authenticity. The artist may be criticised or misunderstood if the level of suffering their art was inspired by is not understood.
A valued fellow blogger then left a comment about someone who loves being less concerned with blame and more with the other person’s pain. This was something that sat painfully in my gut hearing of a close friend’s struggle with a family member (by marriage) who was making cruel threats and had done things to her son which ended up with him having an accident.. with the help of a teacher the mother then tried to have that son diagnosed as autistic when in fact he was struggle with PTSD symptoms and reactions.When speech therapy was mentioned that really triggered me, as it was something Mum often threatened me with as a child. Sometimes coming to terms with our past involves coming to terms with these dark things that happen at the hands of those who only have their own agenda in mind and may often be motivated by fear.
I was also listening to a video by Les Carter last night on how to stand up to narcissistic valuation, abuse and control. It contained really helpful information about letting that person have their opinion when they try to blame, change, control or judge you and not letting it change or derail your own life.. That was a trigger too as I thought of all of the ways in a past relationship I tried to change things he wanted to that were part of my character and that I really could not change. Seeing and understanding a person is trying to control out of their own agenda means we can understand that that agenda really has nothing to do with us at all, after all it is just someone’s opinion, the important point being how secure do we feel in our being and authenticity.. for some that is a long journey, the one that leads to self acceptance.
There are some truths that are tough to face, there are some people that are horrible to deal with, these are the people you really want to limit being around for very long.. There is no way at times just to look for the good in someone, even if it may exist what is the point?Continuing to give someone the benefit of the doubt only ends up with a person getting hurt in the long run. I personally am pretty much over it right now.
I value artists who can express a true and dark vision of humanity. At the same time I also know, deep in my heart, kind loving people do exist despite the world also being filled with toxic individuals who have little interest in acknowledging the impact their own unintegrated wounding or insensitivity has on the people around them.
Emerging From The Dark Night 
This is such a difficult topic to me too. I do believe it is hurt people who hurt others. And that makes me want to reach out to them. I feel they desperately need it. Yet, I am noticing with some people something isn’t quite right. It might be in the area of authenticity, they aren’t and they don’t like when I am. They also seem like you said like they have some sort of agenda, and that’s their number one in life.
Still I know they are hurting inside and need help. I guess I’m just realizing I have to make sure to keep myself safe too from them. I have many people I love, and some of those relationships have a real flow of give and take to them. They bring a real joy and meaning to my heart. Some feel solely draining, but if I speak to that the other party gets angry or denies (has no interest in changing the dynamic). So I feel I may need to be more wise in how I use my limited time and energy.
I like this quote:
“Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don’t mean to do harm, but the harm (that they cause) does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they just justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves”
-t.s Eliot
But it all is so tricky because I know deep down, we ALL need to be loved and be loving. And those who aren’t very loving are that way due to having never received much love. And so the cycle goes on as their behavior leads to others distancing themselves from them….But there is such a thing as self love too. I really don’t know. 🤷🏻♀️
Sending you love ❤️
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Thank you so much for sharing that T S Eliit quote. He had a breakdown and spent a long period in a sanatorium so I think this must have come out of his own difficult experiences. I do think empaths do not understand those who lack empathy fully. We see them as wounded and they possibly are. However I am truly coming to believe we are wired differently and to give too empathy to some people is just a waste. The most important thing is to know ourselves well. To be wise and to possibly see where we may give too much at times, at least this is where I find myself lately. And I believe there is value in doubt and uncertainty too, at times. We can only find our own truth and personal take in life though and live true to that for the sake of serenity.
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Thank you for sharing where you are right now, feels like I needed to hear this.
I agree that the inner connection is most important. It allows us to show up as ourselves in our life, and to be a person who has some level of peace and joy.
In terms of other people being wired differently, I am starting to wonder about that. I just always feel that in the inside we all are pretty similar in some basic way. But that idea does sometimes seem to lead me sailing into a brick wall over and over with certain people. Was interesting to hear how you are coming to believe we are wired differently.
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We are not all the same in the way we respond to life.. Those who abuse you narcissistically like doing it it feeds them.. they cannot be healed if they choose not to be and no amount of love you give them will change a thing. That said we have to let go of the pain so it does not kill us but trying to get them to change recognise their impact or show true empathy is impossible.. Also its not our job.
https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/hiding-behind-victimisation-and-blaming-instead-of-taking-responsibility/
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Thank you for sharing this and the link. I do feel pulling back from changing others and instead rediscovering and showing myself love is the page I am on. It’s what my life has always been missing(someone who loves the real me), and it makes me a better person all around.
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Thats is wonderful. You deserve so much love. 💞
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I just came across the following words from the poet Naomi Shihab Nye and they really made me think of you:
“I am looking for the human who admits his flaws Who shocks the adversary By being kinder not stronger What would that be like? We don’t even know.”
❤
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Aw, I’m touched, these words are beautiful! Thank you. 💜
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💖⭐💖
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