words

words are hard to find sometimes

and sometimes they just casade

like a restless water fall

never telling the true tale of the river

that with its convoluted serpentine ways

flows ever onwards

far beneath all of the noise

there are reasons I felt the need to hide away

even as I longed to be a part of things

it never felt that way

it never felt that way

but what were the stories I was telling myself

about who I was

and how I really felt?

lately

that is why sometimes

when I read the words that resonate

I feel dismay

why did I even make the attempt to try

when all along I know

how badly I fell short

I cannot take my refuge any more

in lies I tell myself

that said its hard to see the truth

sometimes

did we ever really need that permission?

but still we faltered

as we choked back those things

we knew

it would be useless to say

hiding away

praying in time

to find a way

to speak of them