As a child we can be locked out by family.. We can be refused the permission (we then needed … but not now) to be and live and express AS OUR TRUE SELVES. This is something not allowed in narcissistic families geared around the needs of the family as ‘system’ perhaps already geared towards only the need of the parents and or one or two other siblings.
I just did a search on past posts on my blog around the archetypal dynamic of energy of the ‘persecutor’, below are some quotes that seem particularly relevant to my own therapy and understanding right now.. Our therapist can mirror and validate things that our families could not, one of the reasons that a deeply attuned sensitive therapist is needed as we try to come to work on our disallowed aggression, anger and grief as well as rage and other feelings of the wounded child that could never be validated by family and so go unconscious inside of us and accumulate a huge charge of repressed psychic energy around them requiring healthy release, understanding and re-embodiment.
The following quotes come from an earlier post that i will link to below.. It is strongly psychological but it needs to be.
What especially drew my interest on this post was the expression of being locked out as I had a dream last night about a locked gate related to my sister and our family narcissism.
The problem comes, as we have seen, in the Rapunzel-self’s desperate longing for a real life from with a towered world which begins to turn more and more persecutory. The caretaking of the numinous energies begins to give way to the diabolical, destructive side. These are the light and dark sides of the numinous and represent amplified versions of the ‘love’ and ‘aggression’ which the traumatised person has not been able to humanise in normal personal development with transitional figures (parents, teachers, siblings caregivers.
… the separating ‘wall’ is back now as un unbridgeable gap separates them (the prince and Rapunzel) – each lost to the other. But then the Prince hears Rapunzel’s voice….he wanders blindly towards (it) until Rapunzel recognises him, falls on his neck, and cries the tears which heal his broken vision. In this image we have a beautiful description of how grief heals the lost connection to the numinous world.
In the therapy situation there are also many tears at this time. Patient and therapist go through many times when the connection seems to be broken. And yet, if the tension can be held during this period a true (joining or meeting) is possible. One of the healing factors in this working through period is the fact that this time, the ‘trauma’ comes after essential self object illusions (unravel). (this occurs because unlike in childhood the therapist can hear the protest of the traumatised child who at times feels ignored or locked out and validate it) In this way a small part of (the poison of the original wounding experience is released and healed).
Kalsched says that as traumatic injuries are felt, grieved and integrated within we then become able to live in both worlds (the inner imaginative numinous one full of archetypal and ‘magical’ figures as well as the mundane human one that seems so imperfect and deeply flawed), neither sacrificing one world for the other, that is we do not have to endlessly live in an isolated world of pure fantasy besieged by terribly critical voices that break linkages or connections with others as defense against our fear of engaging in real and sometimes ‘flawed’ human relationships.
Healing of trauma brings us therefore back into relationship with an at times painful reality while accepting that it also has gifts. Bearing with the pain of traumatic injury can also mean we develop a very strong and healing relationship with the inner world of dream, myth and imagination, here within finding healing sources of numinous light and support which better help us to live deeply and skillfully within ‘reality’.
Emerging From The Dark Night 
The therapists can make us more aware of what’s happened in our lives, but we’re still the ones, who needed to, dig through those years of accumulated crap of our lives, to find the truths of our selves, the therapists are only as guides, and we can only, use their assistance, and not solely rely on them, to help us resolve every single bad thing in our lives…
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Of course I am not advocating we continue to rely on our therapist alone as we each have to find our own inner truth but some of us need a lot of help with that and some people may heal with no therapy for all I know.
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This is so relatable. I love how you stress the importance of a very well-attuned therapist. I’ve honestly never had one.
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Thats makes it so much harder. I understand though. I without ine for years. Still.deep inside you know your truthit just really helpsto have someone genuine and empathic on your side. Sending love..
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I can so understand this x
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❤
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