If only we (I) could express my anger

John Lees book on anger I have shared a lot from recently gives good steps for expressing anger appropriately, it also helps to get a handle on the fund of what anger is repressed from our past and the more I have read of it, and continue to read of it the more I wish I knew better before.. There were times it would have been better for me to have expressed that I was angry rather than do something reactive that only ended up hurting me in the end.. Also being able to know I was angry and why would have helped me to take actions towards my own values or mission statement which is something Brian Nox talks about in a book he has written for women on putting ourselves first..

It is difficult for women to feel angry in our society, it can be hard to us to feel safe to express it, also often, we are overpowered by men, and we may be made vulnerable in that regard due to past issues, for example if I had more of an idea about this, especially when I got involved in that last relationship I would have honored the red flags more and not allowed myself to be so hurt and then demonized and shamed. None of these things are now things I can change, the anger with myself over not putting myself first at times is also (and I must be rigorously honest here) something that makes me feel so sad and suicidal at times.. which shows often with anger there is grief at the base of it.

I am getting a bit better at recognizing my angry feelings now.. I know I can say to someone now if something made me angry, that was just not possible for me before at all, I did not believe love and anger could co-exist.. Also trying to express feelings in my family never went down well. I am also learning its okay to make decisions to protect my time and make good decisions about who to have contact with, some people I have noticed just seem to have their own agenda at times for getting in touch and good as it can be to connect at times I feel myself getting anxious about some of the dynamics and not without due cause..

In a recent post I was sharing about emotional neglect leaving us vulnerable, that issue was forefront in my mind when I talked at length to that old friend of mine yesterday.. She had a lot of issues I really felt she could not talk to anyone about.. and I felt she really needed to be heard, I related to her struggles with her family and her daughter and her ex husband, I really felt compassion for her. the conversation just reminded me all over again how difficult emotional neglect and glossing over our feelings can be.. but there is also a time, I guess, with family members we still choose to be involved if we can but when their values diverge from our own God knows it can be challenging..

I am grateful to the book Facing the Fire by John Lee. It has a lot of helpful information on dealing with present anger and about not letting anger stuff up your life by displacing it nor failing to take responsibility for what it may be trying to show you in terms of protective steps that need to be taken to keep your own life content.. It seems to me that if we do not take our feelings seriously and stay true to our values then we just get so lost..If we give up our power to others when they try to shut us down emotionally its like consenting to a kind of emotional suicide. Having seen the effects of it I am grateful today I can have at least some idea of my emotions and express them.. I just wish this sort of thing was taught in schools. Maybe there would also be less bullying if kids were not taking their own conflicted feelings of anger and shame out on others.. Being downloaded with other’s too painful feelings can be so so difficult and not getting clear on what is an is not ours can end in some very very very difficult and dangerous places.