Reaction upon reaction : afternoon reflections

Maybe I am getting a deeper insight into the ways I can be my own worst enemy at times.. I got to the dealership to ask about the replacement mirror but in the meantime I have also lost the outer casing (When did that happen? I am sure I remember it being there yesterday). Oh well.. i backtracked my steps only to come up short.

It occurs to me that I have reactions on reactions and often at times trying to do too much and not be as mindful as possible. Also not being able to hold my feelings of pain and disappointment, if I could have done this back in June and October of 2018 with Scott I would not be emptied out at this point and being forced to live on limited funds.. That said I have to suck it up but its no point just sucking stuff up and not learning from it, otherwise what is the point of it? I love the song by Seal that says sometimes we need to get things wrong to then get them right.

So at the moment I am concentrating on more stillness, more inner connection and less reactivity. It helped in the Inner Bonding book to read that we learn how to deal with our pain from how our parents dealt with theirs.. Mum would lash out, Dad would escape and avoid, at times I do both too.. these are all Mars issues and with it in Leo at the moment we are not going to put up with having ourselves stomped on by others, but what about treating ourselves well and staying cool and calm in the center of our Universe even after the fire of our wrath or disappointment has passed? That said warming ourselves by our own inner fire could be a good choice right now..

I listened to a good reading on the Divine Feminine last night, it said many of us are coming to terms with old wounds that left us vulnerable in relationships. That seems spot on. the point being why continue to participate in our own re-wounding?

Anyway the replacement mirror will be at the dealership tomorrow, the casing has to come from Japan.. and from now on I need to be more mindful backing out of the drive.. and less driven about by my anxieties.. I will keep working on it.. learning to hold the anxieties and not spin out is still very much a work in progress.