Letting go : some thoughts

I do not know why letting go is not easier to do..it seems to me so often I held onto things so toxic for me.. I am not sure what the fear was but lately I am seeing that possibly at that time I was not strong enough in my sense of self to stand alone and maybe that has been a big achievement over past days, to finally feel there is a lot I can let go of that is not my responsibility

There is a developmental pattern arrest that makes us turn against ourselves and take on far too many burdens we should not have to.. I have been reading up on it over past days, it makes us think that only if we try harder and give more can we prove ourselves but sadly that need comes out of a past developmental wound and unsubstantiated sense of inner lack so the more we give, the more we ‘effort’, the harder we try, the more we blame and find fault with ourselves the more lost, empty, resentful or depressed we become.. The only solution is : to let go, to stop trying so hard, to allow the pleasure and joy of just ‘being.’

Glad to feel this light coming on for me now and to see I am not spinning out as much when things break or go wrong.. Had two things like this happen over the weekend, the kitchen sinks got clogged and I knocked the left hand wing mirror off my car in backing too hastily out of the drive leaving to to visit my sister.. My old impulse would be to freak and go to pieces but all I needed to do was 1) call the plumber and 2) contact the dealer ship about a replacement mirror.. Its not rocket science..

Anyway all is well and good in my world. I am getting to a feeling of competency finally as well as knowing there is usually something I can do to set things right if they are in my control. The things that lay outside of my control are other people how they act and how they feel and whether or not they try to make me responsible for their problems.. I am learning to say no to this pressure .. If there is a problem in your life and it is out of my control I cannot help, this is not to say I will not choose to help sometimes just to give and be kind but there will be times when giving is not the right thing to do.. there may be times that really God is just asking me to take a back seat, stop feeling overly responsible for those things not in my ball park and do myself a big favor by letting go.