A little schizoid does being left alone open us up to evil?

Today has been a day when my earthly moorings are pretty loose and I am very betwixt and between the conscious and unconscious. Energy is moving after that day of having been sucked back into the past and ancestral past yesterday and feeling so much longing and sadness. I wrote post on all the things I loved in the UK yesterday but something prevented me posting it, a voice that said I must live in the present.

I’m not in the same space today but the voice of Satan came through very strongly earlier after it took a,while to wake rise dress and eat. I started hearing that nasty energy that besieged me when I had that breakdown at the coast after Jonathan left me in 2004. In November of that year I did a piece of writing called Destruction 11.11 after I had a Shamanic Reading done and had dreams showing I was in for a rocky ride over exceedingly dark and stony terrain. that came true some years later when my next partner and I Phil did that trip along the harsh Gibb River Road in Western Australia.. he was a Capricorn and I have the Moon Saturn so it was a very Capicornian thing. But anyway in this writing the voice of destruction said it had tried to kill me off ever since the age of 6 and today there was a force saying it wants me not moving and unhappy and that it wants to kill off all good things there were then waves and waves of distrusting feelings about Scott.. The voice was so strong.. It also started coming through with all of this stuff about the Jews. and I am not anti-semitic by any means but my GG grandmother did renounce her Jewish faith when she married my GG grandad.. and the energy was strong in my Nana Mum and my brother who all have that markedly hooked Jewish nose.

Associated to this by a case of happenstance I started watching a documentary on Netflix this week about the Hasadic Jews in New York, they are an extreme orthodox sect and there are a lot of younger Jews both male and female who hate the restrictions of the way they live and are making attempts to leave or break free. One woman being profiled was being abused by her husband, so she left and started attending a self help group called Footsteps along with others. But the Orthodox community authorities and elders do all they can to derail their attempts to break free. it was so dark I could not watch it all on Monday night but it struck me as such as strong example of the fight between Saturn and Uranus and both planets are in square right now with Saturn moving backwards at 13 Aquarius… I believe Saturn was in Aquarius when my GG Grandad emigrated to New Zealand in 1874 to 75.

Anyway this voice was saying how when the Jews refuse the light of
Christ they stay in darkness. members of this sect are not allowed to use the internet and they are actively stalked if they try to break free.. it must be something in me getting triggered by all of this at present, maybe to do with my own struggle to break free of the powerful hold of my families negativity and repression on an emotional level.

I also thought after all of this while making lunch how a lot of trolls are isolated people who are not shown love and tend to feel ostrasized from families, peers or communities or they may have an alcoholic or abusive parent. A book was written on this issue by journalist Ginger Gorman and I heard her interviewed a while back, she tried to show interest and empathy even for the most hardline of these abusers and what she found testifies to what happens when someone is isolated or feels set apart from others.. These people are also susceptible to joining terrorist and other extreme organisations that give them a sense of righteousness and superiority as they shame dump the chosen scapegoats..

For myself I was able to hear that voice today and not identify with it totally.. But it did raise some concerns in me.. I know my own time of isolation took me so far out of life and opened me to a lot of dark situations..in a way I was drawn to them due to my families traumatic history, and my ex partners father was thought to have been part of an elite of Lithuanian soldier who took revenge on the Jews in progroms. my ex partner Phil never got him to open up about it but after this his Dad became a very violent alcoholic.. Who knows perhaps my GG Grandmother’s family tried to escape one of these before she met my GG Grandad in Cornwall after they emigrated there

As drawn as I to both the dark and the personal and collective unconscious I do not want to be captured by any restrictive loveless energy.. I know I have to accept that both worlds exist and its very much a case of travelling between them at times.. My therapist seems to think I have a stronger anchor in the daylight world now but I do deal a lot lately with someone who gets besieged by similar energies others fear and see as dark due to his own significant and deeply paralyzing abandonment and abuse trauma.. I understand then how in the psyche a force gets set up to keep the person safe and to fight off an attack they were at the time powerless over.. In modern life they can then see enemies everywhere.. this energy is important to get a handle on it is self protective but it may block connections. Perhaps if the person was left alone so much and never ever really shown that love in an active way in their younger life they just become far more susceptible to the darkness.

If we stay strong and aware in a healthy ego we can be a strong container that can listen to the dark side and mine it for secrets and insights even as we keep our feet as anchored as we can in the lighter, potentially happier world of ordinary daily life and simple human connection.. Its why I often feel such relief getting out of the house during the day now after so so many years during which negative inner forces nearly completely paralyzed me.