Alone in the silence

There were times I lay alone in the silence

By body hurting

Before the cuts

Where were you?

You were sleeping

Nothing i could do would wake you

And after that if I got

Driven crazy with grief

How painful did it feel for me?

You lied to you mother

And made me look like a maniac

I took the blame

I took the shame

I swallowed it down

With drugs and alcohol

And I had the baby cut from me

It would not have survived

But still the pain of it

And this was the fourth time

The darkest years followed

Until Jonathan came

But he could not really see me

I had to keep burying my pain

To be accepted

It was so so hard

Why did I blame myself?

Often times there was not one soul at all

That could hear me

Feel me

Let me be the true me

Even with all of the grief

But now you cannot hurt me any more

I am in charge of this

Even if I can do nothing about past pain

Still via this medium I can talk about it

I can give it all a name

And in so doing

In being acknowledged

I will not longer carry the shame

For fighting as hard as I could

To unearth my inner child

Along with my real self

Who is only just

Beginning to get a chance

To be a wild mad thing

To dance

To sing

To cry

To heal

To fully

And

Completely

Come alive.