Accepting the (to me) unacceptable

I visited my sister today to find out she is being given shock treatment again, I was angry and sad and highly reactive over it. I am glad the door to her room was shut, because I know it would be no use having that reaction with anyone there. I quickly had to remember I have no power over her decisions but she is submitting to it even if she does not want it and they forced her into it.. This explains why she must have been in such a state on Sunday week, probably frightened to tell me. The sadness I feel is just so so deep all I could do was hug her and tell her I love her, I also told her I think its wrong what is done to someone with an anxiety condition already who gets fuck all soothing or genuine interpersonal connection much from any quarter.. i was so distressed on the way home I considered turning up on the doorstep of an old family friend she only briefly connected with last year, shortly before this latest episode stared in July last year. These kind of ideas come to me but the horror of what is happening to her sidelines me in everyway.

But after my reaction it was a strange thing, Iast night I was reading a lot on angels as well as listening to a talk given by Kyle Grey on working with angels and inside my head a voice said to me “this is something she has to go through on her journey, believe and trust us that we are with her at every moment, your sister is not alone.” I didn’t tell my sister this… but I just did my best to be with her and make sure she knows she is loved. The place she is in now must be so deep dark and desolate but its her passivity in the face of it all that overwhelms me.. it just seems there are things in life I must try to find a way to accept that at times feel far too painful. So yet again all I can do is hand my feelings over and pray that in time she finds a way out of this place she is in. But honest to God, sometimes this world just seems so bleak and barren and split off in the way it responds to suffering.. and yet on some level my sister is still allowing this, that is the truth that so entirely breaks my heart.