Facing our limits and aiming for serenity in the midst of difficulties

Maybe it is no failure or sin to be able to be happy and at peace, even as others are struggling or going through really tough situations.. Maybe the adult thing is to let go of that delusion of omnipotence, at least that is what is occurring to me tonight, after speaking to my nephew about my sister.. I know more than anyone how hard it can be some days to get my body moving, to look for the good, to let those negative voices chatter on and not pay them too much attention, to try to say to that mind that wants only to lead me down pathways of lack or hopelessness a firm and resolute ‘No.’

I hope to be getting better at this because today I saw what my sister endures is perhaps just a more severe and acute version of where my past trauma and illness or dis-ease can take me at times. And tonight a lot of what I learned over all of those years spent in the rooms of AA and reading 12 step literature is very much on my mind. It says in the AA Big Book that the disease of addiction is ‘cunning, baffling and powerful’, in Al Anon it speaks of where the sense of powerlessness we suffer seeing others struggle makes us ‘restless and irritable’. In out attempts to try to control the uncontrollable our life then becomes unmanageable. I felt that when I got home this afternoon and after being put under even more pressure from someone else.. it took me a good few hours to get my sense of calm back and I do have it now and I did reach out today too.. I rang Lifeline, a family friend and my sister’s son.

In fact the call to my nephew actually helped me more than anything. It made me realise he endures all of the same feelings and also that he is trying his best to support my sister. Too often I feel I may have blamed him in some way when really what was happening to my sister concerns something far deeper in our family genetic fabric. and in her own soul struggle.

Tonight I express gratitude to my WordPress friends who reach out so lovingly as well as to my Higher Power.. I do feel my higher power with me tonight and yes, thanks KK, I must just remember to keep praying for my sister.. I need to remember she has her Higher Power too… I will continue to pray for a break through for her.. In truth she is surrounded by those who love and wish to help her, but its up to her to open the door of her heart to let that love in.. that said, at this point she is not well at all and is doing her very very best.. I just need to remember that.. Humility means I accept life on life’s terms as it is now, with as much grace and gratitude and peace and serenity as I possibly can.