Underneath the rage

Underneath all of my rage

Were both fury and sorrow

For often it seemed life stole from me

The sweetest things

The blessing of my sister’s love

A place of shelter to find comfort

And so I traveled on alone

With no home

Aching and hurting

Even some days now

It all rises up again to be witnessed

All of the needs never fulfilled

All of the hurts and shocks and traumas sustained

All of the ways I long now

As my longing is forgotten by others

And sometimes it is hard to be true

To the vulnerable self

Life often teaches us that the only value we have

Is in remaining strong

But not in that vulnerable way

Which is where the deeper roots of real strength lay

So today I let the tears pour out

As I accept again into my heart

The knowing things could not be another way

And I will try to love

But lately sometimes for me love means

Letting go

Yes, I needed all of those moments of

Anguish, fury and rage

To honestly know what was hidden

Deep inside the burning heart of

Grief

Trauma

Attachment longing

And loss