Uprush

Some mornings

Hovering on the brink of awakening

An uprush of memory comes

Insights into the darkest time

In my life

Those years of deep abandonment

As I gain the growing sense

That maybe these times of isolation and lovelessness

Will not be the final word

And yet

Still old angers and frustrations

Besiege my soul some days

I rattle the bars of old cages

Forgetting to remember the open door

That could set my aching spirit free from sorrow

And sometimes only after reacting

Do I see

There is a choice in all of this

Even as parts of my mind

Remain haunted by paths untaken

Still feeling the sting of the many times

I was forsaken or left so alone

When just the barest touch of empathy

Would have helped to

Free me

Sometimes we say we cannot blame ourselves

While knowing honestly unconscious actions played a part

Someday clouds obscure the stars and Sun

But even then we must remember

Our little lives are surely far from done

Because out on a further horizon somewhere

Rays of illuminating light

Are breaking through

Even as we secretly fear

Our hearts will never feel

Once more

The sustaining warmth

Of another happy sunrise