The longing of my heart

I cannot think about the years of loneliness

Tonight

To remember how it was to long for something

I could not name

To remember how the wound of emotional disconnection

Kept replaying

And how I was drawn to the dark

And of the shadow years

After everything fell apart

But I felt my Godparents today

Sending me love

Letting me know they see what is going on

I cannot explain this to the men in my family

How can they understand that a woman only fully comes alive

When her body is cherished

We must find the places where nature can witness us

There are too many dark stories

Of women falling deep into an abyss

Of longing and only being hurt

But tonight I can celebrate those who find

An embodied love

Could there be anything sweeter

To taste redemption of being seen

And savored?

For now I must just try to do my best

To stay centered in this moment

For at the moment I do not know

Where the hope for new life lives

But I cannot afford to lose hope

So instead I just must surrender to

The silence of the dawning night

As I gently embrace

The longing of my heart