A big balls up

I finally heard from Scott this morning.. He was panicked and desperate at me cutting contact..the President of Chad lost his life while fighting Boko Haram militants over there a few days ago and the violence has escalated since Easter.. I had another hard slam of ‘reality’ had been so sad having my doubts turned up to full volume again by my brother but Scott was upset at him calling him a scammer. It triggers him each and every time.. Then on Sunday I go dumped with all of the frustration and angst which wasn’t really fair, but I get it.. Its not fun to be maligned or judged as a liar. I do not take well to it myself.. Anyway he apologised this morning via Facebook messenger (as I had cut Kik) and asked for time to see about getting all of my money back but if its safe in the bank (and he gave me evidence of this last year) I am not too worried.. I just feel sad for him and sad for a brother who closes his mind and heart.. I have seen him do it to my two sisters and to his daughter too, as well as to me, at this point I can only feel he has a very wounded relationship to his own inner child and feminine soul.

I had a cup of coffee with a family friend who has known him for years yesterday and she says he will use any excuse to avoid not fronting up or facing things and if I am being kind the nicest thing would be to show him compassion. Betty just told me to present bills for anything I can to the accountant as the money held there in this company account my Mum set up is partly mine and I am entitled to it… the last thing I am going to do is indulge in any guilt over this..

Anyway whether or not Scott goes onto his next deployment we will stay friends so I am not as sad as I was yesterday.. I was trying to be brave in the face of it all.. God knows its one hell of a crazy mixed up world out there right now.. Its hard to know the real people from the fakes. For some strange reason (probably only known to God and the angels) too much responsibility for ‘saving’ Scott has been put onto me but if I can help someone I will if I have the resources Its not like he hasn’t got the money to pay me back either… I am just sorry for casting aspertions on the guy on my blog… I had to make that right today.. The Scott I know really is on deployment in Cameroon with the U S Military.. its just my brother will not believe it, sadly. Things just do not feel right for me in my body or with God, when I fall for the lies the devil wants to plant in my head that he is not genuine and only out to use me.