God is with me : I am not alone

On the tough days when it looks like good things are being withheld I try to remember God is with me and that I can hold my own hand and give my inner child and adult self love and encouragement.. That was not something I knew how to do well even a year ago.. The critic that lived inside of me could savage me for days and I can see where I turned that critic out onto the world too and in so doing made life so much harder for myself and others around me.

I love Joyce Meyer’s ministry and especially this lovely book I bought last week. Trusting In God Day by Day. In the reading I read today she spoke about rejoicing and finding the magic in the simple every day moments.. In that talk she recalls a sermon she gave to over 266,00 people in African and at the sermon it was her birthday and the crowd sang to her, which was pretty special but she said even her ordinary days are special when she finds the magic in the so called ‘mundane.’

I was just out in the garden a moment ago and when I concentrate on what a ‘mess’ it is, I lose my focus on the lovely feelings of the soft air blowing and even the sounds out there.. I need to remember how blessed I am to have a garden and even this old house, much as it gets to me and reminds me of the period when my living sister was not at all well if only I could have accepted that too..

Things are hard with the Scott situation today.. I do not want to go into it all here but once again I am being forced out of my comfort zone. I am setting boundaries which is not easy when they could be deployed to Iraq at any moment from now.. I spent a lot of yesterday breaking down or kicking things.. I got active too. Jasper and I have done our Dairy Hill walk two mornings in a row and today were greeted along the way by about 7 separate dogs and their owners. At one point I got told I should have him on the lead, I walked on then cussed at the lady under my voice (how would you like a lead around your neck…) see that’s my dark feisty side.. Anyway I can laugh about it.. We got our coffee and came home and I made a lovely lunch..

I also had a long chat with my sister in the hospital yesterday. she sounded grounded but flat.. They took her off all of the meds to give her an MRI, she is having problems sleeping and says she feels exhausted and luckily she has said no to any further shock treatment. I notice she forgot a lot of things since the last round in July and she doesn’t even remember having the other lot of ECT some time around 2014. When I think of them doing this to her it really makes me sad. I seem to hold a lot of her memories. I was trying to write something on this the other day but writing has been difficult lately. I have been out there living instead which is probably a good thing.

Today I reminded myself of two things.. That God is with me when I surround myself with life and nature and love and good thoughts, he is also with me in the sadness… And the second : to think the best of others and see as God sees. These things help me raise my vibration if and when it sinks low.. they keep me sustained and hopeful of good things.. Even on the days when good things seem so impossible or far away.