Adapting myself to the reality of this moment : accepting God’s timing.

I was woken from deep deep sleep this morning by text messages and then a call from the television installer, the company that was supposed to send him out ‘forgot’ to pass on my details for him to come yesterday, when I did not hear from him I was proactive and called the store to be told this..They said he would be coming today but when he rang at 8 am I barely awake and fighting to breathe and stand as I usually do in the mornings, he agreed he would do another call and then come to me at 10.30, its nearly 1130 here right now and there is no sign of him.. I know from a friend the place he has gone to install another television may sometimes be out of radio/cell phone range..I tried to call him and got message bank but I got an anxiety attack when he did not show on time.. I did something different today, I calmed myself with prayer.. I reminded myself that God and the Universe is in control and my day is going to be mucked around a lot today..I am just worried as I am supposed to be seeing the chiropractor later and my body does not respond well to all this mixed up routine.. I am doing my best just to adapt to the reality and remind myself all is well and there is no need to get reactive and stress myself more.

It’s a hard life carrying this much old trauma/neglect fear, but when i listened yesterday to a talk by Anita Moorjani on expanding our chi energy, what she said made a lot of sense, as empaths we are super sensitive and easily impacted by our environment, food, exercise, medicines, nature and other people and their level of calm or erractic and anxiety energy can affect us. Also we are more likely to try harder to help and take on other’s emotions and feel responsible which can put us into a negative ‘rescuer’ position at times.. We also have to beware falling into a victim mindset due to past hurt or trauma, knowing that at any time we can own our past and choose to act differently setting or relaxing boundaries as needed.

Being raised with emotional neglect, too, can leave us with a fund of longing and a confusion around how acceptable and valid our emotions are.. We have a big inner critic inside us who beats us up and we sometimes let others play on that side of us or use us to incite guilt or feelings of responsibility.. I have most certainly been on the receiving end of that from Scott a lot… and I have not always managed to hold a boundary..

Anyway I guess todays’ kerfuffle with the TV installer is just another exercise in wisdom and knowing I have no power over his day and that unpredictable things can happen means I don’t allow this to trigger me.. also Mercury shifted into Pisces and so for the next month or so we need to be open to going with the flow.. as a mutable sign Pisces can sometimes be seen as wishy washy by more rigid types.. I do not know if any of you have been having more detailed and vivid dreams lately but I most certainly have.. Mercury in Pisces time is a good time to allow free flow, to let go and to open up some form of creativity or dream work.. it can be good for listening to music and working through emotions by reading stories or watching movies.. Today I will pull back from reacting to the guy not showing and put my focus on the good things.. God knows where other people and outside life are concerned so much does remain so very far outside of our control.