Is anger wrong?

I listened to a Louise Hay talk on the way to therapy this morning. In it she said staying angry breeds more anger but in session this morning I had a huge angry outburst over things my sister did to my tender soul growing up and even as an adult. I screamed and yelled and when Kat questioned me I said I felt the anger gave me power and strength to know what hurt me. But HONESTLY I DO NOT WANT TO HATE OR JUDGE MY SISTER WHEN SHE IS SO LOST…I TRULY DON’T WANT TO CUT OFF OR STAY POISONED IN ANGER, deep inside I know that will only hurt us both and there has already been far too much hurt and separation in our family already…multi generations of it.

I’m all for joining and connecting now, all for loving not losing or punishing, judging and separating. This is a wounded ego issue and it’s up to me to love, champion and cherish my inner child apart from the judgments and erasures of others. But sadly I fear sometimes my sister hates who I REALLY AM. And I feel it.

She asked Mum to choose her favourite at my lowest point of abandonment, she judged and cut me for being sad on a Sydney trip when so much old pain was triggered, she carelessly tossed away a beautiful pot of mine with a bunch of collected feathers that was just sitting on the coffee table of the coast house our whole family shared. Still for peace of mind and my own mental health I honestly feel I need to leave this in the past in order to make an active choice, TO BE HAPPY JOYOUS…AND FREE!! How could she give me what she does not have for herself..love and empathy?

Today I therapy I screamed “I was a good girl” she told me at that same time what a naughty child I was simply for expressing feelings. Now I see the truth. I am not bad, wrong, too sensitive, too emotional, it only appears that way in a narcissistically shame bound family. Neither of my parents had great self esteem or family nurture. All of my siblings suffer in some way. All I can do is love them even as they hurt me and I hate WHAT THEY DO. For in the end I can only save myself and be real to me and anger is such an important guide to what does not sit well with me, I need to be advised by it before I can let it go. This truly seems the only way to reclaim my incontrovertible inner truth while allowing myself to cut free and no longer be shame bound by other’s opinions. If this takes a lot of anger so be it!