Which way to turn, which action to take?

A new source of energy seems to be opening for me over the past week.. Mercury retrograde is bringing up a lot on my South Node in Aquarius with Sun Mercury Venus and Jupiter as it opposes the North Node in my first house in Leo.. I started a post on my Mum and the squashed individuation/bonding energy in our family the other day but have not posted it yet. Mum also had North Node at the same degree :18 and conjunct her Neptune in Leo, that 1920s generation went through the depression and lived in the masculine decimation of the post First World War period which took the lives of or maimed the lives of so many young men. My grandfather Bluey (John James) Brander died of war injuries and carried that genetic lung weakness due to the gasses used then.. .My living sister has manifested that condition too.. Even before we were born the masculine energy was weak or hurt… and then it had to rise up in my Mum so she could fight.. to get a means of liveliehood that was not just one of being dumped in domestic service..

These days my focus is very much on my house and getting things fixed, trying to improve some of the neglect that has happened over the past years in which I struggled with Complex PTSD and tried to support my Mum and other sister (now dead.) A guy is coming to fix the fence today so I got out early just to get some fresh air and perspective and be with people.. sometimes it feels like this house has captured me and I feel trapped but I know that is not true.. there are a thousand good decisions I can make to make life happy and productive and serene and connected.. Really the power all lies in my own choices..

I wrote a post about my happy day yesterday.. I did not post it yet but I will after posting this.. I actually had a very busy day with periods of relaxation, Jasper and I even managed a later walk. and I made a nice meal. I even slept quiet well even if, at the moment, I find I am waking three or four times a night..

Today I knew my orientation needed to be on waiting for the fence repair guy and I am a bit anxious about the job he will do.. He cancelled our appointment on Tuesday as he forgot he had a doctor’s appointment but when he rang me his speech was all fuzzy and slurry.. I have a feeling he may be a drinker.. so do I trust my intuition? I can only give him a chance today.. I do not know what will happen but I will keep you posted..