The dilemma of forgiveness

Nothing scars us more than fake forgiveness, it is the kind we don’t have to suffer for that may come because of dogma we were taught or fears we have…that said the recognition that people can be shut down, calloused or emotionally hardened to the point our feelings or true self mean nothing in their eyes is, an important one to recognise. We can then start to give those people a wide berth or find other strategies to.prevent their barbs lodging deep inside of us, because in time we move forward and the traumatically abused part of us speaks to us so deeply and in such a cauterising way we burn away our unconscious bonding to that wounded part and discover the love that lies underneath the pain we must start to give to our own aching soul.

Alice Miller wisely said anger cannot be bypassed on the way to genuine forgiveness. Rage and anger can purify us. They can forge a sword of discrimination deep within us too. When they are demonised or disallowed a part of the Self cannot form nor be protected or surrendered further down the pathway when genuine opportunities to love and be loved find us.

So burning through the rage or anger and finding ways to come to terms with the terror we felt and well as feelings of powerlessness and anger turned inward as self harm or self blame takes a lot of time. Especially if we were taught by religious doctrine anger is a sin or bad in some way.

Setting ourselves free from the pain takes so much hard work. Abusers force us to carry it when they deny or gaslight us. We must find those who help us understand how toxic those tactics can be.