your memory

at times you appear to me only as a shadow

there is a sense of ghostly things

beating inside of your heart

feelings you closed door upon

many years ago

but I felt them anyway

along with the vacant sense

that at times you were

not really ever there

even now

all of these years later

at times your absence still haunts me

(maybe less lately, than it used to)

today the grief of it poured out

as i sensed the deeper pain

my frenzy hides

really

there is no way to run from truth

from the grief hidden

beneath hurt

for ever

sooner or later it comes looking for you

it asks of you something

a reckoning

a paying of dues

or a welcoming in

so even now

as I allow myself the fading memory

of those days surrounding your loss

tinged with pain

to seep on through

still i sense your loving presence

in the silence

drawing closer to me

telling me you understand

and at times even from the other side

feel such sadness and pain

life had to be this way