pressure (a dark poem)

the pressure of my unlived life

weighs heavily upon my chest

I struggle for breath

to sleep to rise

it seems that the fury I feel

has kept me alive

but lately it has been burning me

there must be a way to come to peace with this

i know we all did our best

and I did not see so many things obscured before

is that not just life?

gently gently

seems to be the softer way

because otherwise the darker side of me

will make of it all

another straight jacket

so it is I must seek my source

but somedays the separation and silence

is deafening

so i struggle to rise

and then I sit by the lake and cry

helpless hopeless tears

for all of the

lost and wasted years

but are these diamonds my eyes

find

if so they are tarnished

right now

sorry if this poem seems so dark

lacks the spark of joy

I often find

some kind of inward reckoning

is going on

is bringing my lose threads

undone

i struggle with the pressure

as thoughts of doom circle me

like black crows

desperate with hunger

feeding on the dead carcasses

of former selves