We can all feel insecure

Its helpful not to be judged for our insecurity.. Its good to remember that another’s heart may be fragile and tender even if they hide it behind powerful defenses. Its something I am thinking of a lot this morning. And no one is an island, we do need each other but there can also be a time to be strong and stand alone as well.

I am slowly learning what it might mean to speak lovingly to others.. Being soft and vulnerable, can at times be scary to me. I want to own my own power more lately, it seems I lost a lot due to lower self esteem and being left alone a lot.. I can sometimes falter on the edge of grasping something good for me and not take that step forward.. There was a degree of that when I was going forward into a new life overseas with my ex husband.. I had enrolled in the psychological astrology course and on the night before presenting my first tutorial I froze and had a nightmare of walls closing in on me.. I was trying to reach the tutor by phone. It struck me the other day when Gabor Mate equated the capacity to be vulnerable and know we need to learn stuff with being able to open up to learning, growth and engagement (and possibly not getting it right.. since that is the best way to learn.).. We may know a lot inside but there is also a capacity to learn more if we are open.

Anyway I am beginning to get a deeper insight into my fear and avoidance issues with the approaching Mars Pluto square.. I hope to grow in bravery and confidence as I begin to trust and express my true self more.. I would love to take the risk to be more engaged at the same time as I sometimes see so much impatience and over extension happening within our masculine materially driven world. I need that daily connection to nature and slowness to center myself deeply. Like today I missed text messages from a friend due to having the phone off.. But I needed that space to be with myself. Spending time with me helps me to deepen in intimacy and make friends even with my blind spots, fear, shadow stuff and insecurities. It helps me hear my inner voice and attune to where I need to follow the unique drumming of my own heartbeat, while staying connected to others and new possibilities in life.