Feelings come and go

It seems that if you let them feelings can flow.. It seems to me its the thinking about all of these feelings that often makes life and living more problematic. Thinking of how one of the attributes of narcissism that Ursula dealt on in some old posts I read back yesterday is a problem with letting us have feelings or acknowledging pain then sometimes I can also battle that inwardly. If I let the feelings be they will rise and fall, but my mind goes into thoughts like “does my sister really care about and love me if she is ignoring my calls?” That didn’t take me to a very good place earlier and its probably not true, but thinking it made me feel worse!

Anyway I ate lunch and I am settling down to have another quiet afternoon in, my sister did try to call me back 2 hours later but I missed the call for 20 mins and then tried again and no reply.. I just need to let what happens without attaching too much thinking to it all, when really I do not know what the hell is going on. I make myself responsible for too many of the wrong things. Learning to take care of my own responsibilities seems to be where its at for me right now.. And relaxing with something I enjoy doing like a book or a movie is the best therapy.. I feel so sad about too many lost years forgetting to put the focus on what I need and I need most of all to learn it is perfectly okay to find out what that is and go for it. Also it is what shows up in actual reality in the here and now that is most important.. Not pie in the sky promises that certain people keep making that right now have not one hope in hell of manifesting.