Your twin

They say he is out there, the lover who will love you without conditions, the one who accepts who you are so completely he never asks you to change, and so when you connect it is as if there is a home for you that can never become barren, a home in which you will never meet a closed door. In your twin is a consciousness there that can always contain yours and will never let you go. Some may say it is a fantasy but I do believe in this kind of love.

I am thinking of how so often twin flames stay separated, it is said this happens as we have dark parts of ourselves to face that may have been wounded in the past and so its difficult to trust, to fully let down all those barriers we erect. The point that seems more valid is this, can we love the whole of ourselves, even those part of us that are hurting, feel ugly and totally unlovable? Can we make a place deep inside our own being to acknowledge and hold tenderly all of the fear, confusion, mixedupness, rage or doubt and can we allow it to be while not letting it totally possess us, cripple us, or defeat us?

I get moments of this. I get moments of feeling how lovely life is and how many gifts there are to enjoy on any day, I then get those times when those feelings fly away and I find myself besieged by inner criticism or a judging voice inside running an endless ongoing monologue or commentary on how ‘well’ or ‘poorly’ I am doing.. It was with me tonight again so I just let it yammer on, cause I was getting black marks for everything.. sometimes I wish it would just shut the f%^% up!!!! But Russ Harris says its better to thank it very much for its POV and then ignore COMPLETELY WHAT IT SAYS!!

I think about the man I love and who he is, the man forces are conspiring to keep from me. I think of how last night we agreed its all too hard to keep trying and so we have to wait. Somewhere deep inside I cannot give up on us for during moments we do connect I touch base with something so real and pure and strong that never lets me down, until the devil’s voice gets into my head again.. So for tonight I am just holding close to the mystery, knowing maybe, at least for the next year or two we will have to be contented with only an etheric connection.