On spontaneity and intimacy

If there is a blessing that may have been stolen from us in a childhood riven with chaos, confusion and uncertainty or one in which we sought control to manage difficult relationships or were not allowed to be our true selves it is spontaneity. And since spontaneity is so linked to joy, adult children of trauma, addiction or neglect also often lose the way to this as well as we grow used to dysfunction and false internal programs that kill it off.. The following paragraphs on spontaneity and intimacy are taken from 12 Steps to Self Parenting for Adult Children.

Spontaneity is the gateway through which we free our inner child so we may learn more about ourselves and the world. One way to open the gateway is to give our inner child permission to play. This means that we will free ourselves to be spontaneous. We trust the impulses of our inner child by exploring the world of play and fun, knowing that he will be protected by our Higher Parent. We can explore quietly at first, or we can just let it go and take the steps to be spontaneous. The important thing to remember is that our inner child has a perspective, a unique slant on life, on the life that we need.

Freeing our energy to play is no easy task. To do this, first we must observe where our energy is going. One major energy block is ‘mind racing’. Other major blocks include fear of the unknown. So how do we deal with our fear? As babies learn.. by taking small steps, falling down, laughing at ourselves, and sometimes asking for help and then getting up again. We use our Higher Parent to help us make it safe to be spontaneous, the Higher Parent over time teaches us who and who is not safe to be spontaneous with..

Spontaneity grows intimacy.. it is the sharing of our spontaneus self with another. The degree of intimacy we allow ourselves is the degree to which we allow ourselves to know and accept who we are.

Intimacy is gradual. It is not black or white, or all or nothing. It requires time, maturity and most of all inner direction and patience. It involves taking a risk but a risk in which we are guided by the growing wisdom of our Higher Parent, who allows us to choose trustworthy people in safe environments.