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A bit of a mess : afternoon reflections

Well just got home from the hospital visit by way of the supermarket.. I cried a lot of the way home and more today with my sis just sitting on the bed beside her.. I put my arms around her and when I cried she kept saying “what is the matter?” I had no words I was back in that oceanic space I go to when she is not responding as much and seem lost in that ocean of depression…. there is a depth to her as well as a wordless helplessness that I feel but that could be projection too of how helpless I feel when she is so low.

I went to her unit but got the wrong jumpers.. i had one of the right jumpers out but put it back. I must have been scrambled as she told me by text which ones to get but I forgot to take the phone up with me and then had to rush back down to get it and even then I MIXED IT UP. NEVER MIND THAT IS ME.. I had one too many cups of coffee today and tried to do a lot of writing before getting there.

She was preoccupied with things on her mind she needed support with, her primary concern being that I get the key of her unit back to her son tonight.. I felt a little scrambled while there longing to connect but as I think about it maybe I was trying to make things better that I cannot, I can only be there with her and sometimes that just involves me feeling flooded with emotions when I am which also comes out of having to feel and bear with a reality of discomfort while not trying to scramble for solutions or relief…

At time is feels like a profound interaction of her Saturn in Scorpio on my natal Neptune.. There were things she was worried about that could easily be sorted if she spoke to the agents who sold her property but she is back in the place of fending the world off and I know that place well.. When ever I visit the facility other patients sit around talking to each other but my sister often remains remote… but that is my sister and I need to remember we all handle things differently and we all have temperamental biases.

The thing that I really felt deep in my heart and soul today though was how much I love my sister… I felt that love today, as well as the longing for her to be well and handling life again.. The sad fact is that at the moment she does not feel capable of it.. she told me today she was so tired of fighting and trying so I just gave her a hug, all I can do is be there for her and do my best to understand uncomfortable as it feels sometimes to see her feeling so lost, low and helpless.

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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16 thoughts on “A bit of a mess : afternoon reflections”

      3. It’s good to be strong, but please be kind to yourself too, keep smiling about this funny life we live… there’s human humour in everything we do, and always look on the bright side of life… 💙🌏😍🐧

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      4. So true Ivor.. I get sucked into that humorless place when Sue is like that but its sad to live that way.. I look for joy and humor where I can these days.. thank you for the reminder beatiful, dear friend. ❤

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