Its okay to be happy

I just read a post on how a loving relationship should not hurt us, it made me realised that lately I was being hurt too much and because that is what I am used to I have kept putting up with it, denying each time how much it DOES HURT.

https://thecoffeemamma.wordpress.com/2020/03/06/i-love-you-so-much-it-hurts/

The recognition came after therapy and reading this post that I do have the power over my own happiness, it means choosing people who make me happy and don’t keep asking the world of me.. It seems pretty strange I have not come to this conclusion this before. Due to the pain of being so neglected when I was young I not only do not know what true happiness is, also actually MOVE AWAY from the things that make me happy. This has to stop. Tonight I see clearly that I have a right to seek joy and happiness. I don’t have to put up with pain. And I do not have to endlessly keep sacrificing my own needs to put others first.. Sadly my religion raised me to be a martyr and to believe in many illusions, foremost that if I was ‘good’ rather than real or authentic I would be rewarded.. I now see that is just a recipe for unhappiness.