I feel sick right now, I open the door to people but at times I just feel its too hard to be related.. It could be that my body is now giving me very on spot info of when a boundary is violated.. I notice my heart starts to race and then I start to feel all icky inside.. I had a lot of things pushed onto me and into me as a child (Lots of tears falling as I write this). I could not stop these bad things happening. I could not make the person who was doing it to me stop….. I got overpowered by them and if I tried to fight back I got in trouble.
I just came across this post from good friend on Facebook
I have learn(ed) to fight back, when I realized that holding back is not communication, holding back is the new consent, while fighting back is the new communication skills, a skill to survival.
It really resonated.. this is all about boundaries and TRIGGERS.. I know from the presence process work I started to do a few years ago and abandoned that a person coming to upset us is a messenger than must make us look within.. how we are reacting and why.. its also a technique John Lee uses in two books one on growing ourselves back up and the other on the anger solution.. when anger is triggered it is from the past and may be related to fear or even upset at what happened that hurt us in the past but that doesn’t mean the behaviour of the other person now is our fault either.
There is a time to fight back. There is a time to say ‘No.’ There is a time to walk away… I always thought I just had to stand there and take it and I realise now that sometimes silence is the best communication…then at other times we need to speak out loud and clear… I just cuddled Jasper as I know dogs never violate their boundaries.. they snap back when they need to, they set that limit, they don’t try to ‘make nice’ unless its conditioned out of them… I want to be more primal in my reactions… there is a fear if I ark up I will be seen as the bad guy, left alone, abandoned but the price of staying invisible is that who I really am disappears and I am just NOT PREPARED TO BE ERASED ANY MORE.
Related :
Emerging From The Dark Night 
Sometimes, when we can’t set our own boundaries, between what’s ours (body, mind, soul and heart!), others can easily, violate us, and it sent us spinning hard, turned our worlds upside down, and we’d have to, reformulate these, boundaries, adjust, tweak them, so we are, protected from the world…
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Yes this is what I am working on..And you are so right it does make us spin and turn our world upside down.
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